Chuck Norris

Today, with the help of a coworker, I discovered "Chuck Norris Facts." After laughing until tears rolled down my face, I decided to share some with you.

Enjoy!

1. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

3. Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you’re still alive, it’s because Chuck Norris loves you.

4. Chuck Norris isn’t hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

5. In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

6. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

7. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.

8. Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

9. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

10. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

11. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

12. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

13.When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris instead.

14. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

15. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

16. When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.

17. When a tsunami happens, it’s because Chuck Norris has been swimming laps in the ocean.

18. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

19. Chuck Norris clips his toenails with a chain saw. But he holds it backwards.

20. Chuck Norris’s belly button is actually a power outlet.

21. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

22. Chuck Norris has a beautiful singing voice. Unfortunately, the sound of it would melt the average human brain.

21. Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

22. If Chuck Norris were a ballet dancer, he’d strangle you gracefully with his tutu. And then himself.

23. Chuck Norris graduated from school with a degree in Chuck Norris.

24. There is no chin under Chuck Norris' beard, there is only another fist.

25. When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.